I am a 60 year old man from France. I want to recount the following, because I have a problem I hope I will eventually solve, and any imput will be appreciated :
20 years ago, after long years of meditation, I discovered a new way of practicing it, which I decided to call prayer. It was fantastic ! I had the feeling of love going through me and emerging from the heart. Frankly, it's very difficult for me to describe with words, since it was something I felt within, something emotional. But after a certain time, unfortunately, something awful appeared. At night, I would be harrassed by... mmmh, I don't know how to explain this... like invisible and immaterial things that would come and touch me, and I "witnessed" my body reacting without my own volition, to avoid contact with... who knows what. It was unpleasant and scary. When I would go to sleep at night, there was an unpleasant atmosphere in the room, I was really unhappy trying to sleep in such conditions. Frankly I got scared. I didn't know what to think, but wondered if there was a relationship with my practicing this kind of prayer. As a result, I stopped.
At this point I will add this anecdote : I stopped praying, but the awful atmosphere and unpleasant manifestations didn't cease. It continued for some time until this : one night, I suddenly awoke with a simultaneous sensation and image in my mind. The atmosphere in my room had cleared, it was as it was completely cleaned of what had transpired before. It felt amazing. And the image I saw in my mind was of a hindu goddess with four arms having gone through my room. I am no hunduist mind you, so looked on the internet. I discovered that it was Durga, the goddess that kills demons !! From then on, my nightmarish nights ceased completely.
For the next 20 years, I didn't pray that way anymore. I didn't want all of this to happen again. I tried sporadically again meditate as I did before, but to no avail as I would systematically fall asleep. On the other hand, I did read many many books on spiritual subjects. And thus, approximately one month ago, I did read your book (i.e.: Message of Jesus), then a few other in the PDF section of your website. I found the book sufficiently interesting so I wanted to try the prayer suggested in the book/PDFs. Now, I think (as anyway suggested in the book, and the novel For The Love of His Creation) that we are seeing the end times. As I see that apparently the world's elites are under influence of a satanic evil, I want to firmly side with God (so to speak). I have decided to again do this prayer of love, and do it regularly if I can.
I found a church in my neighborood, with a chapel where I can go, and there is nobody here most of the time, so it's perfect. But it's not always open, so I have to also pray at home. I am slowly recovering the sensations I had 20 years ago, remembering how to build up these feelings of divine love which bring incredible joy (and I am not someone naturally joyous). But the problems I had 20 years ago, seem to want to come back unfortunately. Mind you, for many years I have had not a single nightmare during my sleep. None. But this night (after I prayed yesterday), I got an unpleasant dream. Nothing specific happened in it, no peculiar situation or symbolism, only something heay and unpleasant. A nightmare I can identify as being intrusion from something evil. It's not a direct result of the prayer, because the nights before I instead awoke with feelings of joy and relief. I attributed it to the prayer. But now I wonder if evil spirits or what not, are taking notice of what I do.
So I must find. If you can help me, that would be great. Note : when praying, I begin first by asking God for blessing and protecting those close to me, then help me go through the troubled times to come. However, I maybe could aslo ask protection against such evil ? But afterwards, I try to feel the love, and project an intent toward God, to be open to Him, etc., but mostly through feelings, not words.
Voilà. Sorry for the long text, and thanks to those who will read me.
