Accepting the Way Divine Love Comes to Me

[lizaduff]

Hello my dear friends,

As most of you know, Joan Warden published a book last year that consists of beautiful personal essays written by our fellow Divine Love seekers. She has let all of us know that she would like to publish a second volume and is inviting any and all to contribute to it. I have been contemplating writing something for quite a while.

This morning, it was time. I sat down and wrote my first draft. I shared it with a dear friend, and she encouraged me to put it on this site. So I wrote Joan and asked if she has any objections to that, since she will (probably) include it in her book. She wrote back and gave me her blessing to share it with you. It's a first draft, but I don't really expect to change it much. Anyhow, here it is if you are interested in reading it.

With my love to all of you, and appreciation for this place,
Elizabeth
Here it is. I hope the formatting will be OK after I copy and paste:

Accepting the Way that Divine Love Comes to Me
First draft 5-30-13

Blessed be Thou, O Lord, Creator of the Universe, who has created us, sustained us, and brought us to this moment!

It feels right to stop before any activity, to pause, and to be silent, and to let my soul go out to our Father in prayer, seeking a better alignment with Him and His Love, rather than simply trying to “do it myself.”

So I begin this piece—which I think is about my need to truly accept the way that our Father’s Love comes to me, rather than ‘looking left or right’ to see how His great Love is coming to someone else—with this ancient prayer, one that my friend Sarah recited the day that I was helping her to move.

I think it was 1979. We were driving up West End Avenue in Manhattan with Sarah’s luggage and small pieces of furniture in the back seat of my car. It was night time. My dear friend was moving into an apartment of her own for the first time. While she no longer practiced most of the traditions of her orthodox Jewish family, she spoke these words in the dark, explaining that this prayer—Sheheḥeyanu—was the right one to say when you are at a new beginning

So the words of this prayer have stayed with me. Thank you for bringing us to this moment.

It was about fifteen years later when my grand-nephew Daniel, visiting from Israel, turned to his two-year old son, and recited the same words (in Hebrew, this time) as they walked up to the rim of Niagara Falls for the first time. I wondered: how many fathers turn to their children at such a moment and invite them to thank their Father in Heaven for bringing them to one of the natural wonders of the world? “Look, our Creator has brought us here! Blessed be He!”

But we all have so much to be grateful for, if we stop to think of it. Maybe we don’t always feel so elated at moments that present themselves, though. Many of our moments, even when pleasant, aren’t as grand as standing by Niagara Falls for the first time.

And this is where my story starts.

It was just last week that I read the words of two different folks about their experience of the Divine Love. I know them both and love them both. So I was chagrined when I noticed envy in myself as I read their descriptions of the ecstatic experiences they have—on what seems to be a regular basis—when receiving the Divine Love.

I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t hide from it. Why aren’t I feeling that, I wondered. Why?

I remembered my own first ecstatic experience of God’s Love. But that was twenty years ago. Yes, there had been many other intense moments, but never like that first one. And not like my friends’ descriptions. Why, I wondered.

I pray frequently, let us say I even dedicate my life to this path. And I’ve been praying specifically for Divine Love for thirteen years. And on a spiritual path for longer than that. It was in January of 2000 that I discovered the “True Gospel Revealed Anew by Jesus,” and recited The Prayer on a regular basis, until those words sunk into me in the form of a knowing and an understanding.

Then I saw that I could use my own words, or a short phrase, or simply a word, to communicate the same deep meanings behind the precious truths that are revealed in The Prayer—that our Father really does want us to be close to Him, to be at-one with Him, that we are not really what we have been taught that we are—those busy egos trying to survive. That we are souls, or what one dear friend calls “soul-beings,” and that our Father wants us to ask for His Love to transform us. That we can ask Him for anything, especially for this Love and for the faith that enables us to know all of this is true (just as in the phrase, “I have faith in you” really means “I know” rather than “I believe”). And that we can ask our Father to help us to move beyond the false identification with the mortal life concerns, to recognize the distractions that come to us from other mortals as well as spirits, that He will carry us past all these situations when we turn to Him and ask for His help. And that He waits for us with Loving Arms every step of the way, with not one bit of the kind of judgment so wrongly ascribed to Him by most humans.

So I had to face it, I was resentfully, disappointedly, miserably asking, Why am I not having these ecstatic experiences on a regular basis, like those guys? Why? What am I doing wrong? I saw that when it appears that our Father favors someone else over me, the not-so dead-after-all-ghost-of-sibling-rivalry rears its ugly head.

At first, I think that I recognize these themes, and know that they are part of the not-really-me, the ‘false self’ that human civilization has stumbled through for a long time. I remember that I’m really “soul,”—I’m a “soul-being,”—and that He MUST Love me, I have faith in this!

But I couldn’t escape it; this unhappiness, this disappointment can’t be cleared away by rational thought, by application of the divine truths through my mortal mind. So, despite my ‘beliefs’ in our Father’s even-handed Love for each of His children, I was still unhappy, what was wrong with me, why aren’t I feeling that kind of ecstatic happiness?

I raised this troubling question to a teacher of ‘Whole Body Focusing,’ a listening practice which I study. He has not read the Padgett messages nor does he speak about the Divine Love. But that’s where I found myself, telling my teacher that I yearn to feel the Divine Love in the way my friends have described it. He listened. He asked me, “Is it possible your expectations about what the Divine Love should feel like are becoming obstacles for you?” Of course, I said. Yes. He asked, “Isn’t it possible that God knows better than you what you need?” Of course, I said.

It came to me right away that it was both: my expectations of what the Love should feel like, and that I had decided for myself what It should feel like—essentially that I knew better than God.

Both glaring errors.

After that conversation, I turned again to our Father in prayer. I waited in silence to see what would unfold, what more would come. OK, Father. I see my mistake. And I also see that when I let go of those expectations and stop trying to tell You what to do, that doesn’t mean that those ecstatic experiences will come. This is not a devious attempt to get those experiences.

Father, I accept what You give me. I see that I have been focusing on my complaints and disappointment rather than receiving the quiet gifts You’ve been giving me. My experiences of Your Love are quiet, gentle; they are not fireworks. I admit it: those gentle experiences come all the time. All the time! Thou art the source of every good and perfect gift! I accept that you know what I need. That you know what my friends need. We need different things, and I don’t know what that is. I can’t begin to know.

I sat with this some more and I began to feel like a seed in the ground. The earth around me dark, warm, full of nutrients. The water seeping down to me in just the right amount. The sun warming the earth above me.

And more came: Father, I am the garden, I am the seed. You know—only You know—what I need in order to grow. My friends are not in my garden, they are in their own gardens. I accept the gifts, the Love, that You are giving me. I thank You for the gifts that you give me to grow me. I accept! I consent! I thank You!

There haven’t been any fireworks since that realization. And that’s OK. I trust that our Father is growing me, and each one of us, according to what He sees as our needs. I hope I won’t complain anymore, or look to the left, or look to the right, but just notice, and feel, and gratefully receive the Divine Love just the way He gives it to me. He knows what I need.

[Geoff]

Dear Elizabeth,

Yes its been said many times that we are each different. And when I had 18 months of heart pain, 100% of the DL folks had one of two answers:

1. Its not Divine Love, because it doesn't do that, cause that, look like that etc.....

or

2. You must have a lot of compensation to go through...

Till the Master put them all straight. You always are better off trusting your own instincts as you have.

hugs
Geoff

[Doles]

Dear Elizabeth,
Very deep observations and reflections indeed! Your very last paragraph pretty much encapsulates what I think about this, and that is not to be at any ease thinking the new thought process will make everything perfect. I'm not saying it will not...it's just that there may always be more than we understand. And you know what?, knowing what I know now, I'm almost at a point where I'm even thankful when things are not going according to my expectations. I always wonder there must be some lessons in everything. Perhaps not in the sense of God tempting anyone as we used to say in church, but simply for my spiritual growth.

[Terry Adler]

Thank you, dear Elizabeth, for sharing this beautiful glimpse of your spiritual journey! To me, you model mindfulness in the best sense of that concept; mindfulness that reaches to embrace the Creator's Love while at the same time, patiently, honestly shining the light of one's awareness on the inner flux of thoughts, feelings, physical states. You remind me of the importance of recognizing the false notions we carry and realizing how they act as barriers to the Creator's Love, so we can let them go. You have given me beautiful tools I can use to remind myself that my relationship with the Creator is a unique creation in itself; that we co-create that relationship, He/She and I; that it is always evolving, changing, growing, and that Creator knows best what I require for that growth to happen in the most fitting way for me. There is more I want to say about accepting how the Divine Love comes to me, but it is now past midnight so I will write again tomorrow. For now, much love and gratitude for opening up this topic, Terry xxxooo

[Zack]

Thanks for sharing so honestly, Elizabeth. I feel a breath of freshness and silent joy reading your writing...With blessings, Zack

[lizaduff]

Hello dear friends,

Thank you for your heartfelt thoughts! During the night last night (after I posted this piece), I did notice momentary fears, vulnerability. But the rightness of sharing the piece, despite this vulnerability, was strongly there.

Doles, you wrote something that expands my awareness about this. You wrote: “I always wonder there must be some lessons in everything. Perhaps not in the sense of God tempting anyone as we used to say in church, but simply for my spiritual growth.”

And I feel that applies to sitting with my fears about ‘what will their reaction be? Will I feel hurt by anything they say? Can I write it even so?' And Doles, your thoughts point to this, that my fear is coming up to be healed, that this was my “LESSON”...that my Old Hurts were hidden down in there, and they seemed to be gone, but they were alive and they came forth when ‘triggered’ and they come forth to be healed by the Loving Listening Presence of Divine Love, which I am calling forth, hopefully all the time.

So I welcome and say ‘hello’ to all these blockages to our Father’s Love, knowing they are old ‘wounds’ or memories that really can’t be rationalized away, and just will keep coming back until we hold them in the same place that we are holding onto our Father’s Divine Love, and then that wound, that hidden pain, will feel ‘heard’ by the Love, and it will be healed.

I am glad, Doles, that you clarify that there are ‘lessons’ but “not in the sense of God tempting anyone”. I’ve felt resistance to the idea that some people say that God “gives” us these ‘lessons.’ On the Divine Love path, we know that our Father is not the source of evil. He is there for us when we suffer and He wants us to be one with His great Love. So it comes to me to say that the ‘lesson’ of our various sufferings comes upon us again, is that when our old wounds surface again and again as they do, this time we hold that wound with the loving compassion brought to us by our Father’s Divine Love. Our soul calls out to the Father, in the midst of a particular suffering, and His Love surrounds and calms and heals that previously-hidden-hurt, revealing underneath it something in me that had been covered over, like the innocent and happy child we were before the trouble came (if it’s the natural love that comes to heal) and moreover it begins to transform our soul (if it’s the Divine Love that we have called on to heal us).

I’ve never put this into words like this before, so this is just me saying ‘what’s coming’ to me about this right now.

Geoff, you really speak to the core of what I learned when you write: You always are better off trusting your own instincts as you have. Thank you. For me, I was not able to ‘trust my own instincts,’ in this case, until I saw my ‘error’, that I believed I should experience Divine Love as someone else does. What a relief it was to see that error, and to begin to trust that those moments that DO come to me, whether intense, or peaceful, or silent nudges in a certain direction, or a feeling of ‘rightness,’ or a feeling of a ‘magnet’ pulling me forward toward the right path, or repelling me away from the wrong path...that all of these are the ways I am helped now, and what a relief to that ‘envious sibling’ wound in me, to see that I too, have a relationship with my Heavenly Father, suited to where I am now. I think I even have a glimmer that it’s accepting where I am NOW, loving the Good coming to me NOW, that unblocks my path (just a little bit more) toward receiving MORE of our Father’s Love.

Thank you, Terry, for your insightful awarenesses, and here I feel moved to say that you articulate so well what we in the ‘felt-sense’ community believe is so necessary to coming into ‘wholeness’ when you write: mindfulness that reaches to embrace the Creator's Love while at the same time, patiently, honestly shining the light of one's awareness on the inner flux of thoughts, feelings, physical states That really fits here, that conscious awareness of ‘all’ that I find here, even those ‘wounds’ that block my further growth, but instead of trying to ‘psychoanalyze’ any of it, or trying to push any of it away with new resolutions, we do listen to that from an awareness that “I’m more than this limited view of myself” (in fact, I’m a soul, or as my friend says, a “soul-being”) and that I can call on my Heavenly Father to be with me, with ‘all of this’, which is to say, yearning for the Divine Love, asking the Holy Spirit to bring this great Love into my soul.

And Terry, I also love what you’ve written here: my relationship with the Creator is a unique creation in itself; that we co-create that relationship. Wow, thank you for bringing in this idea of “co-creating.” I can see the wisdom in that right away, although I have never thought of myself as ‘co-creating’ with our Father, I always think (from my limited thinking ability) that He brings something to me, and your use of the term "co-create" highlights the vital importance of that necessary act on my part, the yearning of my soul, that this is ‘co-creating’-- our Father waiting, wanting to give His Love, but it won’t come until my soul sincerely yearns.

With thanks for this forum, a place for exploring together, and with thanks to our Father for His great Love and the privilege of seeking It and receiving It.... and the gift of recognizing It when It comes,
Elizabeth

[lizaduff]

Thank you, Zach, I'm feeling that breath of Joy now.
warmly,
elziabeth

[Joseph]

Dear Elizabeth,

A wonderful piece of writing! Very well done, and much appreciated. You brought the reader (well, me) immediately into your story, and carried me gently and artfully into your quest. It had me yearning to read on to see the resolution, and I absolutely loved the various analogies that you used, especially the one about a unique seed in the ground. You have a beautiful relationship with the Father; I am not envious but grateful that you are able to express your journey in such a loving way as to help the reader (well, me) to appreciate my own unique relationship with the Father.

One small suggestion. I love the prayer that you begin your story with. I wonder if there is some way you could use it again at the end of your story? This might be a unifying element tying the beginning with the end. Just a thought to consider.

With much love and gratefulness,

Joseph

[lizaduff]

Oh, wow, Joseph, what a beautiful idea! I will add it at the end. The prayer speaks for itself.

And I so appreciate your comments and expressed appreciation for what I wrote.

with gratitude,
elizabeth

[brother dave k.]

Dearest Elizabeth,

Thank you so much for so couragously sharing this one personal experience of part of your journey in Divine Love and Soul Development.

It has been my experience in the recovery fellowships that it is in the sharing so authentically what we were like, what happened and what we are like now (as the result of the application and practice of spiritual principles), that we are most able to connect with others and hold out a candle in the darness to others who are just entering on to the path of spiritual progression, or to those that are a step or two behind.

So thank you again for sharing this wonderful part of your journey! i value the expression so much.

Love, dave k.