Road to healing

[AlFike]

Many of us here have had difficult childhoods. We were not the beneficiary of such a child focused world and family dysfunctions were allowed to run roughshod over our tender souls. I'm talking fifty or sixty years ago, when the world was full of propaganda that most willingly believed, dad was king of his household and children were disciplined with the back of a hand . It was a simpler time, certainly less sophisticated , and we children were free to go out and play all day and use our imaginations to create our worlds of adventure. It was a time when children were on the move, actively seeking out their next imaginative world full of danger and excitement. Our creativity was allowed room to breathe and our minds expanded in the fertile worlds of our creation. There was more open space, at least where I grew up on the outskirts of Vancouver. An area that is now a nest of high-rises and traffic. I remember the joy of that time and place. Many fond memories come from that train of stored adventures. Our innocence and our joy was a gift.

I also remember a lot of loneliness and fear that came from that time . My parents did not have a very happy marriage, we were always short of money and my father was away a lot because of his work and when he was home, he was usually drunk. Much of the time, my mother was very depressed and barely functional. I was one of those shy sensitive boys that was often picked on at school and kept mostly to myself. I had friends with whom I could share our imaginative adventures with but these friendships came and went for a variety of reasons. For the most part, I felt adrift in a world that mostly rejected me and I disappeared into myself for many years. It was not a loveless childhood but I certainly don't remember it being full of positive self regard or endless fun. As a teen, it was a battle for survival and finding ways of disappearing into the crowd. I was so shy that I was unable to really communicate with anyone without anxiety and fear. I had no friends, my home life was dry as dust. Those years were the worst of my life and very painful to revisit as the loneliness and depression were excruciating .

So much of who we are is the result of where we have been. Our patterns of behavior and survival come from those formative times. We are shaped by our childhoods and I think we live our lives either unconsciously expressing those patterns or fighting against them. With our minds being programmed by the events of our past we are often confronted by unwanted or less than positive behaviors. For many, there is a sort of resignation that they are fully formed and have no desire or are afraid to change. For many of us here, the desire is the opposite. Change we must because we are called to be exemplary and loving in our expressions in the world . Negativity, either internal or external , is our enemy. We are called to be clear and powerful channels of God's Love. In order to fulfill this mandate, we must clear away the negative debris of our past and free ourselves from those old patterns. Not an easy task but we have the cleansing power of the Divine Love that is the catalyst for such a radical inner shift. Our soul along with God's soul help to co-create a new and less encumbered you thus freeing you from these patterns. The co-creative part is most important as we must be willing and strong enough to confront those parts of ourselves that are less than loving. Those old mental patterns must give way to more positive thoughts and actions. We are required to take the initiative to change our expressions in the world all the while being bolstered and carried by the Love. This is hard work but most rewarding as these changes will eventually become permanent parts of our being as we reprogram our mental patterns.

I confronted those inner demons that are a result of my less than fun filled childhood in my twenties and early thirties. After a long and joyful stretch of receiving the Love and experiencing all the beautiful and exciting awakenings that this blessing gave me, I was confronted with the old and well entrenched patterns. I did not truly love myself. In fact I could not accept large portions of myself as all the rejection and pain was stuck in there feeling like emotional constipation. The good times had dried up because there was inner work to be done. I needed to deal with the past and so I did. I had heard of a retreat center that provided five day intensive workshops that dealt with emotional stuckness. Their techniques were far from orthodox but the dynamism of their work brought about dramatic results. I was guided to go there and was as scared as I have ever been. I knew that I needed to get unstuck but was afraid that if the plug was pulled, I couldn't handle the results. I had been repressing that pain for such a long time and over those years I began to guard it as if it was a treasure. Needless to say that the unorthodox techniques of this place unstuck me as dramatically as I had anticipated and I survived the volcanic flow of all those old and festering emotions. The freedom I felt from this healing brought me to such an ecstatic place that the love from within flowed and flowed. I truly began to love and accept myself. Of course one experience such as this does not heal a life time of emotional repression. I went back several times as did Jeanne. Our lives took on a very dynamic and expressive leap into connectedness and loving expressions as God's Love was free to flow through us without all that you know what that was in the way. Of course the work of healing and change is always ongoing and I don't want to give you the impression that either Jeanne or I “are there”. We have made great strides to be sure and as I look back to see how God has guided us through this forest of pain, I am astonished at the loving ways in which we were lead to the healing that we needed. So much of what is a beautiful part of our lives at present could not be possible if we had side stepped our necessary healing work. Life would be very different indeed as I'm sure our marriage would not have survived the emotional stuckness of that time. Nor would the flow of all the lovely aspects and people in our lives have been so easily attained.

With my inner liberation came a clearer understanding and appreciation of who I was and what I could offer to the world. I began to value my spiritual gifts that before then I kept hidden from all but a few trusted friends. I also could see that that lonely isolated boy that was me had developed a rich inner life in order to compensate for the pain perceived on the outside . He also developed a very perceptive side that kept him safe. These abilities gifted me with an ability to go within that has lead to some extraordinary experiences in my meditations and prayers. I am also able to read people at times that allows me to connect in deeper ways. I began to realize that my unhappy childhood was actually a gift. It provided me with uncommon abilities that can be used to help others and benefit myself.

I would not want to wish these difficult early experiences onto others but I can now see that out of the ashes comes the phoenix born from God's Love and merciful healing. And I see that anyone can be redeemed by the Love. It's power to heal the wounds of life is unlimited and complete. I think that the expunging of the soul of all sin , error and pain can happen without the outside interventions that I adopted but with the addition of my own initiatives and willingness to follow that guidance that lead to dramatic inner healing will accelerate the process greatly. Liberation is inevitable but there are so many factors which affect the process, including our powerful free will , that I believe it is best to have an openness and willingness to go there by whatever means you find acceptable. For many the fear of truly confronting ourselves and all of our closely guarded pain is overwhelming. It is the power and the comfort that is derived from that Holy Love within that will give the strength to take that healing journey step by step. Faith that there will be a more joyous and fulfilling life at the other end of it can be a great comfort. None of us live this life unscathed by its brutal conditions. We are all in need of God's tender healing and Loving acts of reconciliation. That co-creative effort to be free can take many forms. Prayer for the Love is the foundation. Sharing with others is also a necessary start to the journey. Self inquiry and contemplation will bring you to the questions that need to be asked. Loving support from others and our angel friends will bring us greater strength. Honesty is key.

As we share our humanity here, we grow in love and acceptance. The vulnerability of the truth about ourselves I believe, brings us closer to God and allows us to be humble in our dealings with others. We all need to be loved and accepted and that process can start with a healing drop of Divine Love and from there we are carried down the river of change, acceptance and grace. May we all travel together down that river and in our own healing and self discovery may we find the family of love that we all long to be a part of. God bless all of you willing to wade into these waters . May we all join hands in love and appreciation of our own bravery and willingness to change in the light of transformative Love. Your brother.......Al

[brother dave k.]

Oh my dear brother, i have been moved by the sharing of your journey. It is very much like my own. Although my father was not an alcoholic, he was raised by a an abusive mother, who was the child of a raging irish alcoholic. i recall once when we were visiting Milwaukee, being introduced to him at the age of about 1 1/2. i recall this short, thick, heavy set man with a very red face sitting in a chair. My spirit and soul perceptions were quite active as a very young child. i immediately backed away from him, not wanting to be around him at all.

i also recall (although in kind of a merged movie) all the days of awe and wonder, creativity in play, that you describe so well.

i learned the ideas, the thoughts and beliefs of my parents well. They, of course, became the core of my thoughts and beliefs. Now, it brings to mind the message on the "sins of the parents", and the description of the spirit of the child absorbing the spirit of the parents while in utero, and the early years of childhood.

Much of my ministry over the years has been involved in learning the methods or pratices of becoming free from the bondage of the thoughts and beliefs in error and untruth, most particularly as to self, or finding and experiencing the True Self, as expressed in the messages, and else where.

It has been, and has been professed to be my experience in Divine Love circles, that while the Divine Love certainly can and will remove all thoughts and beliefs in error and unlovingness, eventually, (although for some it will be only in the Spirit World), that, as you have reported your experience, it takes a great practice of spiritual disciplines in prayer, meditation and self-examinations.

i do and have found that it is only people who have faced, recognized and accepted their past and the human traits to unlovingness towards themselves and thus towards others, who have the ability, as the result of that work and acceptance, to be able to be genuine, authentic and transparent in public, or semi-public, as you have.

You have my great respect and support on our mutual journey towards Divine At-Onement with Our Creator and our service to others.

Yours in the Spirit of the Christ, brother dave k.

[AlFike]

Thank you Dave for your loving acknowledgement . I'm not sure you have read my entire post as I see you posted your response as I was busy composing more of mine. A technique I use when I am doing a longer piece in order not to loose the entire thing which has happened in the past. I have read your eloquent expressions of your struggles here and on other sites and have always admired your bravery in doing so. Your honesty and integrity always shine through and I do feel a brotherly connection when you share in this way. It is nice to know that our love and respect for each other is mutual and earned. God bless you dear brother......Al

[DennisT]

Dear Al,

Thank you for posting and sharing your experiences with all of us. I can only imagine how vulnerable you must feel for exposing the details of your childhood and journey through life. I commend you for your bravery, and I thank God that I have stumbled into this circle of Divine Love followers who are so willing to help new followers by sharing such experiences.

I had to smile at some of your expressive phrases, tying to describe such personal feelings as "emotional constipation" and spiritual stuckness. I know I too have much work to do, but with God's Love and the help of friends such as you, I know I will survive and grow on this path of His Love.

Do you have any suggestions for intensive retreats that help a person find relief from such emotional constipation?

I truly appreciate you, Al, and I feel so blessed and fortunate to call you friend!

With much love and hugs,
Dennis

[brother dave k.]

That's a very interesting suggestion Dennis ...............a laxative retreat..........lol

[brother dave k.]

Al, you are correct, i did not get the second or third ? posting. i also will get a post almost done and have it disappear. i am trying to remember that it works better for me to type it out in notepad and then post it. Doing that also allows for some editing, which provides a more polished, or less fractured publication, but also sometimes a little more verbose. Thank you.

much love to you also my brother, dave k.

[AlFike]

Thanks Dennis for your response. I think the vulnerability has long past as this experience is a number of years ago and I have released that emotional pain when I was young. I think in the process of this healing experience I realised that we are all harbouring intense pain from some period in our lives. Many hide from it by being extreemly busy or just numb. Spiritual awakening involves every part of us as we connect with the source of all life. To be so engaged and alive we are required to expell all the stuff that keeps us from that full engagement. We are challenged by the Love in this way as it compells us to be all that God created us to be. If we are to be authentic in this engagement with the Divine, we must be authentic with our inner selves. Otherwise we are just not able to connect fully with the Creator. I think Jesus said that the Love is like a sword piercing our souls. Without that wound wich I believe is our vulnerability and self awareness, we cannot fully engage with the process of opening to the Creator. True spiritual awakening comes with the pain of fully understanding our own lack of harmony with our higher selves and the laws of creation. That awareness calls us to action to embark upon the healing journey that is the realeasing of all that wich is not in harmony with the Divine Love that God has gifted us with. The path is not easy or always gratifying as we travel down the road of self discovery but the rewards are far greater than the struggle to get there.
I hope you will find a way Dennis to travel that road of healing. I think anyone who can overcome the barriers to accepting these truths as you have, has the strength and the desire to do so. From what I have seen in you dear brother, there is already a great deal of goodness and many loving qualities that benefit all those around you. I consider myself fortunate to be included in your circle of friends and I will always be your brother and there to support you on your journey to wholeness and atonement with our beloved Creator. I hope we can support each other on this road. My love and prayers are with you. God bless........Al

[Doles]

Dear Al,
I don't seem to be able to formulate my thoughts into words in response to your post, so I'll just say thanks for it.

[jeanne]

I would like to echo some of what Al has posted here and pay tribute to Drs. Bennet Wong and Jock McKeen, who provided us with exceptional learning and healing opportunities over a span of two decades at their retreat centre "Haven by the Sea" on Gabriola Island, B.C. We are truly grateful for their loving, accepting, and brilliant skills as educators and healers. Their books, "the Illuminated Heart", "As it is in Heaven", "In and Out of Our Own Way", "Manual for Life" and others are all highly recommended and available on Amazon. If you have personal and professional healing work to do, Haven is an amazing place! We will be forever grateful to Ben and Jock for creating a healing place, with unique and creative opportunities for personal and professional growth! Love Jeanne

[Geoff]

Dear Jeanne,

Do these books reflect the techniques that you were exposed to a the retreats you and Al mention? I am interested in these techniques, because the ones i have read about are only those utilised by a certain someone we dont mention. And they are called emotional release - I think. The book recommended there is "Homecoming" by John Bradshaw. I have yet to be convinced that the process used by John Bradshaw is actually effective, so that is why I ask.

Hugs
Geoff